Tw suicide and sh mentions
i hate my mom. When I was only 5 she left me and my brother with my grandma I thought there’ll be nothing worse than that but after I started living with her I quickly realized how wrong I was. When I had fights with my brother where we would literally fight to blood and I called her in tears saying to stay on the line cuz the second she hangs up he’ll beat me 10x harder, she would say that we’re already grown people and should deal with our problems ourselves no matter how old i was 9 or 13 and hand up. Then at the age of 13 we moved to yet another country and my brother decided to stay with my grandma rather than mom, I was forced to stay. Here she started an active search for a boyfriend with cash. She would bring her fuckers into our 2 room apartment non stop. At that time I was already suffering with hatred towards myself and self-harm. At the age of 14 she finally found a dude she likes. At first I didn’t mind him but after the multiple incidents where they fucked in the next room KNOWING that I was right behind the corner I started hating both of them. Imagine waking up after a quick nap after school to gulping sounds just f****** Imagine what I felt. The first time that happened I had my 2 suicide attempt. I grabbed my necklace that was laying near my bed and tried to suffocate myself with it. I tied it as hard as I could but it wasn’t enough. Afterwards I confronted my mom about it and she told me that I’m a narcissist and only think about myself. I was feeling so shattered at that moment I just wanted to disappear. The second time they fucked I relapsed 2 months of hard work into nothing. I felt so dirty and the apartment did too. I didn’t want to even step out of my room to get to the toilet or eat anything cuz I knew they fucked on that table… disgusting truly… this in the future let to my relationship problems, to my God syndrome, to my angry issues and a spiral of depression. I . Was. 14.. 14