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a pain
4 years
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I feel like such a p************. I feel like everyone in my life would be better off if I hadn’t been born. I don’t want to die, because the fear of hell is in me, knowing it would hurt people, knowing it would leave responsibilities. but man if I hadn’t been born:

maybe my dad wouldn’t have been overwhelmed with twins and wouldn’t have left, he would have just had a daughter and a son like a normal happy family.

if dad hadn’t left and mom hadn’t had to focus so much on twins alone, maybe my sister wouldn’t have grown up with so many issues. maybe now she wouldn’t be a drug addict alcoholic who treats everyone else like s*** and uses her own daughter as a gambling chip to keep the family under her thumb

maybe my brother wouldn’t have any daddy issues and wouldn’t now also be an alcoholic.

maybe my mom wouldn’t have had to work herself into poor health so she wouldn’t be struggling so much now in her early 60s. she would have the support of a husband.

maybe my husband would still be in his home country, happy and comfortable, not dealing with all the shite in the us and living in poverty just struggling to survive, married to an ugly useless cow. and he probably would be in better health, too.

all the people I’ve disappointed and let down with my failures would be much happier.

and I wouldn’t be here, depressed and hating myself, beholden to others forever because I feel like Im worthless if I’m not being of service to others. I wouldn’t be here hating my fat ugly body and my stupid toothless smile and my legally blind eyeballs and I wouldn’t be costing anyone their hard earned money with my stupid problems.

I don’t want to die. but I don’t want to exist.

New Confession

I want to have s** with underage girls, the younger the better, my erect manhood would enter the girls C***, I would begin to take them very f****** hard with my p****, I want them to scream for their mother’s then I will put my p**** into her mouth and throat f*** the girl, then m********* in the girls face, which would be covered with my f****** come, then I will take the girl from behind, I will get my sister, and the girl will lick out my sister’s C***, so I can f*** my sister next.

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Related Confessions

Sister Marie Howorth had no right to ask me private questions about father’s death. The Toronto Catholic District School Board has verified this with me. To quote the TCDSB, “If you did not disclose to her that your father died, she should not have asked.” The TCDSB also verified that Sister Marie Howorth should not have asked me ‘prodding’ questions. Especially when she saw I was in distress. At that point, she should have stopped. As for the comment, “You wear a mask”, this was a very harmful comment to say to a student. In today’s climate, making a comment like that to a student would never fly. I feel emotionally abused by Sister Marie Howorth. I’m sick of people glorifying her and talking about how compassionate she was. I simply did not see that side of her. When I asked what the meeting was about that day, Sister Marie Howorth replied, “Oh Just Something.” This answer was an outright lie. Sister Marie asking me to reveal private details about my father’s death was not “just something.” I still feel very violated by the way Sister Marie Howorth treated me. She invaded my privacy and my grief. (Actually I don’t really grieve my father because he called my mother an ugly warthog infront of me when I was 6) I hope God did not let her into Heaven Scott Free! Sister Marie Howorth ruined my last year of high school with her psychological abuse.

F*** You Sister Marie Howorth
F*** You Judy Wright
F*** You Yvonne Kocik
F*** You Former Deputy Director of the MSSB who thought he had a right to force a grief counselling on me when he could have just made a complaint against me to stop. I would never have contacted him in the first f*****’ place! Besides, unlike his late son, I would never steal VCRs from the Honeydale Walmart!!!

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