in a few days, i have a really big competition that i entered myself in. it was something that i never thought id ever do, so i was really hoping that some important people in my life would be able to come. not a single one of them can. i guess its a busy time of year, wrong time to have people come in on a week night to have people sing, i just wished…they would try harder? i know it makes me sound like a terrible person, i feel like a terrible person for being upset at them for being unable to make it but it hurts so f****** bad because i just wanted people to be there. i wanted the people i love to be cheering me on as i perform and to be there as i do something that i never thought id be able to do, but they can’t. frankly, i feel as though people don’t really want to go and that hurts even more. it makes me remember how so many peoples’ love for me is conditional, even as i love others unconditionally. it breaks my heart because i know if there was any important competitions that they wanted people at, i would be the first to say yes and go to support them. i just want to be loved and wanted with no strings attached.