He hurt me so much and I haven’t been able to get over it. I don’t understand it. He spent so much time and effort trying to convince me that he was a good guy. Too nice, too caring, gets hurt easily. He swore to me that he’d love me forever and never be any less than I deserve. He worked so hard trying to convince me that he was trustworthy when I told him I have trust issues. I told him all of my pains and traumas and he swore never to hurt me. I loved him so much. I cared about him. About how his day was and if he was taking care of himself. I worried about him and missed him and was there for him when he needed support. He knew all the crap others had put me through and swore he was different. And the whole time he had a wife that he lied to me about being/living with. I gave him so many chances to come clean. All I wanted was honesty. He could have just told me, “Look, I can’t leave her because (insert reason here)”. But no, he wasted almost a year of my time and energy. He eroded my trust. He took pieces of me and never gave anything back. Just empty promises. He’d constantly talk about how he’s not one of those guys who’d say anything to keep a woman on the hook, and how disgusting guys like that are. While being exactly THAT GUY. When I’d ask too many questions, he’d emotionally manipulate me. “I’ve given up so much to be with you” but he actually didn’t give up anything, he just said he did. I found actual proof that he was lying to me and even then, I was stupid enough to be kind and forgiving to him. I kept telling him all I wanted was for him to be honest. But he kept saying, “Why would I even be with you if I was still with her?” Like, I don’t know. . .YOU tell ME! He’d say, “Why would I do that? What am I getting out of it?” And that’s what I’d like to know. . .WHY? Why didn’t he just leave me alone in the first place? Or tell me the truth and end it? We weren’t even having s** toward the end, so what WAS he getting out of it? Why mess with me like that? I don’t get it. I guess I’ll never get the closure I need.
