i miss my old friend more than anything, we’re still kinda friends i guess but not as close as we used to be, and we probably never will be that close again. i feel guilty since it’s made me hate the living s*** out of his new friend that i guess you could call a replacement of me, but they are a lot of a nicer and better person in general. every time i see them together feels like a hard kick at my face for being such a p************ all the time. i miss him and the days where we would spend hours on call, or a game, or just talking to each other. and he hasn’t told me why we’re not as close as we were, maybe he was just friends with me a for a dare, or he grew tired of me. i wasn’t the best friend, i was always rude, and a p************ to be around, and i always tried to kill myself (i sent him notes and he would have to convince me not to.) i’ve realised now that i’ve made a lot of mistakes in our friendship, and there’s nothing i can change about it which is the biggest thing thats been eating me up inside, like biting massive chunks out of me bit by bit. i just wish i could go back and change everything, but he does seem a lot happier now that we’re not friends anymore, so if it’s made him happier than i wouldn’t really want to change anything. and i’m to nervous to say sorry because i know he’s just going to ignore me, and he’s friends with all of my friends so i can’t say s*** about it to them. i just miss everything i had last year.