i wish my issues didn’t hurt the people that are closest to me.
it’s hard to open up, even on the internet, when the ppl i trust most with those feelings are more often overwhelmed than not. nobody likes to hear their friend say they want to hurt themselves. i’d be mortified too, being the only one with that kind of knowledge about someone you care about. i just don’t know what i’m supposed to do if i can’t share those intrusive thoughts.
drawing depictions of those feelings isn’t enough. i genuinely want to Destroy myself. i’ve already sabotaged every good thing in my life in one way or another.
it’s really tough. it’s been clouding my judgement a lot more lately.
am i being selfish? do i have protagonists syndrome? am i simply not seeing the forest for the trees? my life isn’t any more significant than anyone else’s and i should find comfort in that, and i do, yet the pain is still there. i feel inherently selfish for just feeling this way. there are tons of people out there that have it way worse than i do right now, and i should be thankful.