I broke up with my ex fiance (5 years) and father to my 3yr old (currently pregnant with our second) because my fiance fell in love with someone else. I

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I broke up with my ex fiance (5 years) and father to my 3yr old (currently pregnant with our second) because my fiance fell in love with someone else. I am broke and my car has a transmission issue so right now it wont even start. Im stuck living with him because i have nowhere else to go, i keep hoping for his relationship to fail because im weak and want him back. I was foolish and allowed him to go and have s** with someone else (but they both instead caught feelings for each other) so this was no ones fault other than my own. I gave him the ultimatum of me or her and he couldnt choose. So i made the decision to end us because i didnt want to be an option, but now all im doing is just hurting while he moved on to another relationship and thinks hes in love with her after 1 month of talking to this girl

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I’m a teen. How can I do it* with no pain. It’s hard for me to access to the stuff. (It=death) I’m exhausted. My family hates me. My friends are always stepping on me. I’m very fat and very ugly. I do sh. A need a cheap, not painful and accessible way. I need a hug. I used to let myself get groomed by older men. I loved the attention but I felt dirty. I blocked anyone if they ever asked for nudes. My grades are horrible. I work hard. I swear I do. But I’m so stupid. I already tried to do it* several times. It always failed and they were very painful. I can’t access to any pill. I’m probably mentally ill but no one will notice that because no one cares. I’m desperate find a way. My only escape from reality is eating. But now I’m f****** obese, ugly and getting bullied. No men will ever even like me. No one loves me as a friend despite how much I put effort in the friendship. For the last time. I’m begging you for a way out. The world is not made for me