i was only 11 years old. i looked up hypnosis on youtube because i didnt know if it was real, and i watched a couple videos, and eventually a fell down a rabbit hole and one of the. videos taught me how to touch myself. and of course the videos also include stuff about getting addicted to the videos, subscribing, needing the hypnosis to be fufilled, etc. and its been over a decade now and i think im s******* dependent on it because nothing else makes me feel as good. my sense of self is so fucked now because i cant integrate the beliefs i picked up from hypnosis (eg. that im a w****, that im a s** toy, that i “need” to be used, that i should be h**** all the time, etc) w my sense of self so its like. i spend most of my life disgusted and repulsed by it except for when i get triggered and get into this mode where i just sit and think of different ways to watch hypno and/or fufill the hypnosis commands basically. and im scared to tell anyone to tell anyone abt this because its so crazy and i dont think anyone would take me seriously?? even in the hypnosis community a lot of people think its mostly harmless and it only effects u if u let it. but its hurting me, like a lot. i dunno. if anyone has any advice for getting rid of this please say something