I wanna kill myself. It’s not just because I hate myself, but it’s also because I’m a cancer to the people am around. I can tell that I annoy them even if I couldn’t, they would do me the favor and say it to my face. These people are my family and my “friends”. I don’t think I actually know what it’s like to actually have a true friend. All the friendships I have seen fake and like I’m the only one putting in effort. It degrades me every time I think about. Although, I realized that the people I call friends aren’t my true friends. In fact, I think I wouldn’t be hating myself this much if I didn’t have friends. There would be no one to compare myself to, no one would compare me to someone I talk to. I’d still hate the way I am, but I’ll still be able to live with myself. Now, the days are getting harder and harder. I feel like I can’t talk freely without being judged by my friends. They make me feel stupid, they use me only when they need me, they make themselves look better because they actually fit the beauty social standards. Me, however, am far from it. I used to think that if I made my appearance look more appealing, I wouldn’t hate myself. In fact, I’d actually love myself for the first time. Now, I’d hate myself even more because I was never able to be comfortable in my body. I let the words of fools tell me that I’m pretty, that no one would want to be with be because I let myself go. I’d hate myself because I wasn’t me, I let others dictate how I lived my life. I don’t live for me, I live for others. I live only to do what people want me to do. I have lost control of my own actions because the actions done by me, resemble the actions done by others. Nothing in this world is for me, which is why I wannna leave it. However, I don’t think I’ll ever leave it. Even if it’s my biggest darkest dream. I’m tired and lonely. I just want to go.