Im not a child I just want to be treated normally and don’t want things to be kept secret why did you do that to yourself I want to love you so much but I don’t even know you I never knew you the night you tried to kill your self was confusing and scary I was just a kid I am just a kid but I can’t act like it you ruined me you ruined everything my mom can’t buy a house because you fucked up her credit score you fucked up yours too you are self sabotaging yourself I just want to love you, you aren’t even my dad I just want to be happy I just want to be normal why can’t anything be normal I want to stay with my mommy I don’t want to be far away I want to die I don’t want to be alive I wish I was aborted I wouldn’t have to feel anything or know anything I don’t want to be here I just want to be alone and happy please stop please help I want to hurt myself so bad but I’m too scared and that makes me feel even worse and makes me think I’m just doing it for the attention but I’m not because no one knows I feel that way no one wants me not even a therapist I just imagine slicing my arms and bleeding or burning myself with a lighter I could at any moment they are all around my room what is stopping me? I just want to be normal I want to stop crying stop crying crying I want to leave but I don’t I love Diana and dexter I hate Deanna die I hate you you this everything you are the main source of my pain I imagine telling my dad what my mom said what we said together but I love my dad he’s not even my dad I don’t know what love feels like idk if it’s love or the feeling of being with someone for so long you can’t leave because you know how much effort and history there is and you know how bad it will hurt them but that didn’t stop me the first time why did I even leave you I didn’t know you your were weird foreign you never loved me until I left I hate myself I ruin everything I’m ugly I wish I could cut off my skin and be skinny and thin I want to not eat but I’m hungry I want to starve myself until I die I don’t know who I am I think the me in my head is me or is it every part of me every thought I have I’m so fake I don’t know who I am I don’t want to live In ugly Deannas ugly family’s house I don’t want to live I could never say this out loud I can’t even tell my dad I’m upset without crying- 6-14-2022