To ryder- I hate the fact that I could have loved you. I hate the fact that i know you could have loved me too. I’m embarrassed about our first kiss and

4 years

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To ryder-

I hate the fact that I could have loved you. I hate the fact that i know you could have loved me too. I’m embarrassed about our first kiss and how bad it was and i’m scared that that is the thing that made you stop liking me. All our happy memories hurt now. Your replies are getting slower and i think it’s time to let go. So i guess i will try. But just know that you will always have a piece of my heart, I only wish it was allowed to grow into a bigger one.

New Confession

To be human is to continually change. Your desire to remain as you are is what ultimately limits you.

The Puppet Master

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My ex would s******* harrass me every day, if that is the word. Force me to show him my body, show him myself m***********, pleasure him since we were long-distance. Whenever I said no, it would be begging all night until I gave in. So I stopped saying no in fear of him leaving me, embarrassing me, sending the photos out. But now, a year after him, I still imagine what it would be like if we did have s**. I imagine it when I’m alone, about how he’d topple over me, guide me through it with a soft voice as he deflowered me. How his rough hands would grab me and pull me hair like how he would describe to me. How he said he wanted me to be choking to the point I nearly threw up. How he wanted his hand on my stomach as he plowed. I pray every day that I never see him again, but I pray that the sin of my desires is attained first.