I am in love with someone or at least I think so. Sometimes I doubt if I am capable of deep human connection or love even, like physically. Because I am

4 years

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I am in love with someone or at least I think so. Sometimes I doubt if I am capable of deep human connection or love even, like physically. Because I am in love with him but I can barely intiate anything, not even romantic, he is my friend, I know he is my friend, we are basically in one friend group but I don’t even have insta DMs started with him, this is how much of a coward I am. I overthink EVERYTHING. I’m sure its like normal when you like someone but not to this extent. basically yeah… OUCHHHH

New Confession

To be human is to continually change. Your desire to remain as you are is what ultimately limits you.

The Puppet Master

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My ex would s******* harrass me every day, if that is the word. Force me to show him my body, show him myself m***********, pleasure him since we were long-distance. Whenever I said no, it would be begging all night until I gave in. So I stopped saying no in fear of him leaving me, embarrassing me, sending the photos out. But now, a year after him, I still imagine what it would be like if we did have s**. I imagine it when I’m alone, about how he’d topple over me, guide me through it with a soft voice as he deflowered me. How his rough hands would grab me and pull me hair like how he would describe to me. How he said he wanted me to be choking to the point I nearly threw up. How he wanted his hand on my stomach as he plowed. I pray every day that I never see him again, but I pray that the sin of my desires is attained first.