I love my my but I hate her so much. I like to sit down and have a conversation to fix whatever is wrong but she like to go full psycho mode, yelling, throwing stuff, breaking anything she sees, holding a knife to her neck and always saying that she’s gonna kill herself. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve told her we should go to therapy together and she said that I’m the one that needs therapy, and yes, I do, but I want somebody to help us communicate better but she doesn’t want help. She talks like a 15 year old with raging issues. She gets in my face and yells at me, it’s so obvious on her face she’s raging but with the intention of killing. She’s had a bad past, I do understand but when I tell her that there’s no reason to stress about trying to fix problems she starts stressing about them. I recorded the time she held a knife to her neck and saying stuff that I k ow she doesn’t actually mean but that’s why I’m trying to help her that not everything has to be about violence or running away from minor problems. Im 21 and she’s 56. There’s also stuff that happened when I was a child but she says she doesn’t remember. She chocked me when I was 6 and my brother had to get her off of me. She did drugs. She doesn’t remember being abusive to me. I had moved to a different county where my grandparents raised me. My mom never raised any of her children so I would understand that any issue can stress her out. I don’t know what to do anymore. I thought having my own job and my own apartment would make my life better but it just crumbles down. I don’t wanna become like her, I really don’t, I hate it. Sometimes I wish I had the courage I had when I was younger to kill myself. I don’t wanna die. I just can’t handle the emotional pain my mother gives me. It hurts so bad. I wish there’s somebody out there that can help her.