I have a boyfriend He Loves me a lot. But only sometime, He is busy most of the time, but only for me it seems. I suffer I am quiet. He is Toxic, He speak

4 years

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I have a boyfriend He Loves me a lot. But only sometime, He is busy most of the time, but only for me it seems. I suffer I am quiet. He is Toxic, He speak toxic stuff, but I have fallen in love, I can’t leave. I am still waiting for him to make at least 10 15 mins at the end of day. Apparently I have no one to share how my day was. Because he is busy. We both were in same college same responsibilities, but he is the busy one. I am not, I am the free one all the time. Why IDK. How much more can I take it or should I be blinded by his gifts. I dk, I know as soon as a message pops up I will be happy chill again. But I am really scared what will happen when we break up, what will happen. I will die, my soul will die. I will not be the same person again ever. how will I recover again. IDK. How can I deal with this loneliness even after being with someone in life tell me how can I. I just wanna be done and I want peace I want love. un conditional love which is through soul not through body. Unconditional love in my whole life, do I deserve this IDK. Will I be loved Idk I am just happy fine. I am thinking I am fine. I will be fine some day soon for sure yes. This relationship will look very beautiful is all I can hope in life. Thank you if read everything I hope I can sleep better.

New Confession

To be human is to continually change. Your desire to remain as you are is what ultimately limits you.

The Puppet Master

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My ex would s******* harrass me every day, if that is the word. Force me to show him my body, show him myself m***********, pleasure him since we were long-distance. Whenever I said no, it would be begging all night until I gave in. So I stopped saying no in fear of him leaving me, embarrassing me, sending the photos out. But now, a year after him, I still imagine what it would be like if we did have s**. I imagine it when I’m alone, about how he’d topple over me, guide me through it with a soft voice as he deflowered me. How his rough hands would grab me and pull me hair like how he would describe to me. How he said he wanted me to be choking to the point I nearly threw up. How he wanted his hand on my stomach as he plowed. I pray every day that I never see him again, but I pray that the sin of my desires is attained first.