I was told I was a little bit schizophrenic by my friend

I decided to tell him that I had an imaginary world in my head and thats what he told me

He thought it was cool and that maybe Im a little bit schizophrenic

My friend has no real evidence to back this up

He may have just guessed it

I looked it up, the symptoms of early schizophrenia and I havent found any that I experienced

I dont believe I have it

I dont need to go to the psychiatrist because my parents would worry about me

All I have is…myself

All I have is you

Me

So I cant tell anyone about this

I cant tell anyone that Im worried

Now Im second-guessing on what I should tell my friend

I told him not to tell my secret to anyone

And hes not really the type to do it

And yet, why do I feel so exposed?

I yearn for someone to understand me and yet whenever I share something I feel so bad about it?

Why am I like this?

Why do I feel so lonely?

These characters in my head

They comfort me

Love me

Patient and kind

Though I have a sneaking suspicion that its my brain coping with some form of trauma

Childhood perhaps?

I dont remember much from my childhood

At least, I dont try to

I dont think I really want to, to be honest….

I want to move on

But,

Sometimes I just feel so alone

I cant help but talk to myself

Are you okay?

Its going to be okay

Its going to work out in the end

I dont want commitment

I dont want a romantic partner right now

I cant handle the emotions and time that comes with it

Im also scared to be left alone

To be, discarded

I dont want that

I dont know what I want

I dont know why Im feeling like this

I just…

I want to, maybe, find someone who I can really connect with

Someone who wont judge me because of how I think

I miss my best friend

I worry about her

Shes my only best friend

I miss you Cyrille

I really do

I love you, myself

I love you and all of you

Every single part of you

We have each other

So its okay to cry

I love you

Its, just a part of life

We’ll get through

Its okay