please be realistic about how many kids you can care for. Not have but CARE FOR. Do you have the time to learn with each one? The patience to adjust for each kid? The finances? The space? The food? The clothes? The language? My mom wanted four kids. She only got 3. And as number 3 i can say I think both my parents were way too busy, and stressed to have me. Sure some of those factors were out of their control. But their responses to those things, to me, how that all completely molded my childhood… That was something they could control. I spent everyday till 16 thinking i was an accident, i wasn’t wanted, because no one gave a f*** about me. I was constantly compared to my sisters, despite not being given nearly the same circumstances. My school events were never attended. Despite all my perfect scores, it wasn’t enough. To the point where parent-teacher night consisted of my parents/sisters insisting to my teachers there had to be something i was doing wrong. There’s so many insecurities/sensitivities/borderline triggers(?) i have because of how my parents treated me, and allowed my sisters to treat me.
Please just care for whatever you can manage. I gurantee you your kids will love you more for it, bc despite now knowing i was wanted, it doesn’t change the trauma i went through. The unchanging environment around me. I have moments where i feel nothing for my family. I have moments where i cry for my childhood self, who was berated for every little thing.
