all my life i remember feeling different. ostracized by my peers and the adults around me. as i got older instead of just wallowing in it i tried to figure out what was wrong so i could get help. somehow i’ve still not figured it out. so much data in my mind all the time. i’m always the smartest speaker in a conversation, always the person people ask for advice, always the one to listen, never the one listened to. i’m tired. i’ve struggled with suicidality my entire life as well but it’s getting really bad. i’m getting seriously depressed and mentally exhausted. i’m getting kicked out of my home for the 2nd time in a year. i’ve never supported myself alone and i don’t know if i’ll be able to. much less have the energy for it. i don’t remember how i got thru it the last time so i’m not sure how i’ll do it this time with more and more stress and responsibility. i’m scared and tired of being alive and i’m also terrified of death so really i’m just stuck.