i feel so worthless all the time. i feel like my life is taking a turn for the worst. my dad refuses to take me to a doctor and does not believe there is anything wrong with me. my ‘boyfriend’ broke it off with me because i’m too disorganized and now he wants to have s**. counselling isn’t working. my best friend committed suicide last year and i’m so lonely. f*** i miss them so much. i feel like half of me died with them. i lashed out and hurt the one person who understood me and actually cared and now they’re completely gone and there’s no salvaging what we had. my older brother is hours away and i don’t see him much and i’m stuck at home with my controlling mother who intrudes every aspect of my life. my friend group detest me but i keep going back to them because i’m lonely. they call me stupid and pathetic to my face and that i’ll grow up to become a stripper and that’s all i’ll ever be. i don’t even want to know what they say behind my back. my grades don’t get higher than Ds. i have my end of year exams tomorrow and the following week and i haven’t revised at all. i’m not gonna amount to anything anyway in life. i was holding on to hope that things would get better and i would stop feeling this way but every single day feels like a boring, pointless repeat of the last. i just want to stop existing. i hate myself and this pathetic life i’ve created for myself. i have no energy and motivation to fix anything. it’s all useless when i try anyway. i’m so f****** tired. i’m insecure and self conscious about my appearance. i just want to restart everything. i want to disappear. i’m wasting my years crying and doing absolutely f*** all. i’m crying as i write this. i just don’t know what to do anymore. i’m 14.