I want the room to light up when I walk in
I want people to recognize my presence
I want people to notice when I’m sad
I want someone to talk to me when I’m down
I want a person I can trust
I want someone who will understand me
I say I want all these things from someone but why not that some one be me.
I’ve been through so much and not a single soul has stepped forward to help. Not even my own family. They say “oh you look sick” “you’re too skinny” “you need help” blah blah blah but not one ounce of sincerity came out with those words. Because I continued on being unwell and still, not a single soul helped. But I was there. I was there to listen to my own cry’s for help, my sleepless nights of crying and anger. The days where I knew I was too upset to be around anyone, I was there. I was the only one there. I was the only one who could understand. I’ve always said that no one will mourn my death like I already do in my current state of living. But that’s cause no one will. The thought of my death brings me so much sadness and aches. It’s like losing your only friend and child. Your only soulmate. Because I am all I have. I can only trust myself, I can only talk to myself, I can only understand myself. No one ever can or ever will understand me the way I do. Yeah you may pick up on my behaviors but that’s completely different. I can act a certain way but my mind is completely different. I’m in a constant state of loneliness and sadness because I feel so lost. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I want to give up so bad but I feel like I can’t. This uncanny feeling of a world waiting for me is getting exhausting, I just want what I desire without the patience. I just want to feel bliss.