愛嫌い
I don’t even know them well enough to form some personality or distinctive feature they have other than being some []. They’re still kind of a mystery to me, and I feel like they think the same for me as I don’t reveal much of my personality online and we don’t converse one on one all that much. All I can think of the real them is that they’re a nice, respectful, cool person. Nothing more, nothing less- though I have to admit, they are pretty attractive; looks-wise.

But I just can’t help but fantasize?* about them. *By fantasize, I mean imagining them doing things I don’t know if they would or would not do because I don’t know their whole personality, so, I make up a fake personality for the lack of.

I don’t know why my brain chose that specific person to hyper-fixate on for odd romantic scenarios. Is it because of their looks? their personality? their whole concept? Maybe it’s an aesthetic attraction? Is it part of being a teenager? I can’t seem to make up a reliable conclusion for these unheard but familiar feelings I have.

I loathe it. It doesn’t sit right with me and I don’t like it. Is this an aromantic thing that happens when you don’t experience the attraction? Is this how the mind copes? What if romance is as important as other things in life. God, I hope not.

I hate how I can’t do anything about it either. Should I take the chance and admit it? Lower my guard and get an answer that will either break me or give a new experience to the only life I own? I don’t want to take that chance, I can’t. I can’t admit it, I’m too stubborn. What if I get rejected or accepted, what do I do then?