I have been living in an escapist world for so long. I run away from reality, from work, from studies, from feelings. I am happy, really happy but I feel like all these are going to come back to bite my a**.
I feel like I have lost touch with God. I am scared about it but my mind keeps ignoring the feeling. I try to pray but I don’t feel like I am actually praying with faith. I don’t how to bring back the feeling.
Something bad happened today – a health issue. I am scared that it is because of the above reason. I have been neglecting my life and God is punishing me for that. Maybe now I can truly pray since I desperately need help from God. The worst thing is waiting for a response, Waiting for God to heal me and tell me that he forgives me. But what if it doesn’t get better. What if I fucked up so bad?
Should I go back to escapist world because I am happy there or face reality?
God, I am so sorry. I know I have made a lot of mistakes. I will be good. I promise. From next week, I will go do my job properly. Please help me, God. Please. Please. I want to have one month of pure happiness. One month of not crying. I don’t want sadness to balance out my happiness. I don’t want anything bad to happen just because of the happiness. Please Please help me. Please heal me