The universe is one cruel m*********** and picks the favorites while leaving me to rot. I have never been able to catch a break in finding happiness. The moment I show any endearment or mild attachment to something or even someone, it suddenly gets taken away from me or the thing is very short lived. Why? Why am I the one who always finishes last. Everyone else gets a chance to be happy while I sit with my emotions hanging by a thread. It’s even worse now because I found someone that makes me the happiest human being alive and I constantly worry about me losing them out of the blue and be forced into the old cycle of self hatred and constant ideals of not wanting to exist. I have done so much inner healing thinking it would help but sadly some things have been so heavily drilled. I know this pain won’t be permanent but I can’t handle any more torture.

What god do I pray to?

What entity will finally hear my cries and pleas for help before it is too late.

Am I too greedy for just asking for one basic thing?