They broke off their engagement.. and I’m partially to blame. Now he wants me to leave my relationship too and run off to Florida with him and start a new life. For starters he wants to get an apartment together where we currently live. . . But what do I want.. I want both dudes.. I’m so confused.

I want my current one for security and mainly because my family is well-invested in him, as in they really like him and we’ve been together for a while. But the thing is, my family is not the one dating him. I know my current one would make a great father – but we argue so much over stupid things and he won’t hold back even in public spaces. Sometimes he really embarrasses me, and holds me back from meeting new people or trying new places. I’m not aloud to go anywhere alone, and I guess that can be a good thing for someone my size but I want some kind of freedoms. I may be small but I’m not a child.

The other guy doesn’t care what I do, or so he says – he’s already thrown out a big red flag by casually lying to me from day one. He’s determined, handsome and wants me to have fun but i’m afraid he may be selfish. He nut’s way too fast and he’s admitted that he believes the secret to a happy marriage is girlfriends and he wants to explore multiple partners. Which I’m open to and also curious about but I don’t know if i’d call him marriage material – He’s more of a play boy toy that makes me take chances and helps me enjoy the moment.

And now I’m spazzing out because ‘Play Boy Toy’ is calling my ‘Current’ relationship my boy toy when in reality I was thinking of HIM in that way. So I tried to talk to him about it, what were doing and how I originally visioned us just having fun on the side – I didn’t realize we’d consider anything more. Long term yes, but on a deeper level? I’m not so sure.

He’s claiming he has enough money to move and be stable for a while, has a possible job lined up in sales and we could see where our relationship takes us. He’s ready and willing(so he says), where as I’m like.. I have real estate properties here that I need to manage now. I run two companies and if I were to try and do that from a distance – I guess it would be fully possible but … It’s such a leap for me. I have two dogs and a cat lol who I cannot leave behind and bringing them would be -gosh- another struggle. I’m sure ‘boy toy’ would only want me to go and not my pets too. But I guess I can’t jump to conclusions.

I’m so torn. I’ve always thought I wanted a new start, something else. And now it’s here being waved in my face but I’m too scared to take any action. . . I’m frustrated because I just can’t make an easy decision and then I remember the saying that goes something like ‘If it doesn’t scare you, it won’t help you grow’. Oh, this will make me grow alright, whether it works out or not. In crazy ways that I can’t even imagine. I’ve never lived anywhere other than my home town. I worry that I will be throwing away.. the life that I have built up to this point.. I’m not too old but I’m not exactly young either. I just don’t want to destroy my chances at a happy life.

So do I leap for adventure and try something new with the possibility of greater opportunities and or disappointments? Or do I put this all behind me to continue on my current path and play house wife to Current for the rest of my life..

In the worst case scenarios :
I worry that if I leap – Boy toy and I may fall out and the relationship between current and I will be lost(I’ll be alone).
And I worry that if I stay – I will always be left wondering ‘what if’ and may never find the answer that I’m looking for.

Feeling like a fool and not sure how to move forward – I normally just dive into work to make money and forget about any issues bothering me. When I make money I feel like I’m still progressing. But relationships are not about making money.. I need to .. sit with my feelings -ugh- and find out what I truly want from life. I just don’t know. I want both! I wish I could talk to someone who has experienced something similar and get some words of advise.

TLDR Breakdown : Two boyfriends – Torn on which direction to take.