Many years ago I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t kill myself before my parents passed away. I do not want to break their hearts to have to bury one of their children. On nights like tonight, I open my suicide note I have had typed up, read it and cry my eyes out. Its so hard to hold on sometimes but my parents are keeping me alive. I am ok with that. I love them so much.
I do have a significant other but I think he’s cheating on me. I found a woman’s shoe print in the snow outside his front door when I visited the other day. I didnt bring it up when I spent the night because I didn’t want to fight but I said something about it the following day. He denied it and said he didn’t know who it was. He told me I could put up a security camera if I wanted to.
But nights like tonight, I dont care if he cheats on me I guess. It hurts so much but whats the point of making a bigger deal of it? That day will come when I take my own life and the cheating won’t hurt anymore. Nothing will hurt anymore. If I am still with him when my death day comes, I will not regret hurting or leaving him behind. My death will not be his fault because I am not blaming anyone for it. The sadness I have carried for many years is the burden. My burden. No one can save me.