there's a certain type of apathy and emptiness that comes from realizing that everything you done so far or will try, amounts to the realization that no

5 years

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there’s a certain type of apathy and emptiness that comes from realizing that everything you done so far or will try, amounts to the realization that no matter what you do with your life, you’re only trying to fill a void that’s never going to filled and i’m just so tired of it. nothing makes me happy, i feel so emotionally numb, i can’t even bring myself to cry. i can’t bring myself to pretend i like doing things i used to love.i feel like i’m just pushing everyone i care away but i can’t bring myself to genuine care because i’m not in the right place of mind. like sorry i can’t proper emote rn, but I”M TRYING. i guess the worse things is that nobody notices. i feel like every day i’m getting closer to the edge of not caring if i live or die and nobody can see it. they only see the surface level.

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To be human is to continually change. Your desire to remain as you are is what ultimately limits you.

The Puppet Master

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even when there’s so many people around me i feel so lonely. i feel like ive always been there for the little things in everyone elses’ life that i forget to be there for myself. ever since my first breakup 3 years ago i’ve always felt like there was an empty void to feel. not the kind of empty void that another person fills but the kind where im ok with my own presence. all my talking stages feel like i’m chasing someone just to make them love me. everyone says im pretty, kind, and caring but i don’t know what im missing that someone else has. maybe its the way i give talking stages my all and the way i show up even when they hurt me hoping that they’ll change. i want a love thats genuine and gentle with my broken heart. not because im desperate but because i want to feel loved the way i love others. im blessed to have a soft heart again and again even when it feels like it should be hard as stone.