I had lost many things already in life , my precious dog , myself, trust . Through these all , i had anxiety 3 years already because of bullying . i dont even have great bond with my family, even if i tried hard i already got high grades , i want them to be appreciated about me, yet these years i have been hiding many things with a happy smile , having pleurisy for months many months already . Losing friends of a mistake i was not intended to , all i have is a friend i have knew for few years , who have been understand me more than my family , she was the only person who tried to understand abd help me even though sometimes its pointless . I kept crying all day because many things kept showing in my mind and panick attacks . I have hated many people in this world even if i dont know most of them , abusive , killer , destroyer . I was afraid i may became one of them in future , planning to go back if cannot , then just end all these things . Full of dust , hates , jelousy ” wish my family bond was like them ” , ” wish i have many friends ” , ” wish im a better person ” , ” wish to be strong enough to fight for myself ” , ” wish to stop the world from cruelty ” . I JUST WANT TO LIVE HAPPY , PEACEFULLY LIFE. At the age of 13 today i already experience many things i shouldn’t have experience. Being hated , being careless , being unfriendly , being sickening person , i dont even care about my self because of overthinking . From my family all i hear is b******* , talking about me making fun of things which isnt even fun and comparing me to others ,ITS TOO MUCH ITS TOO MUCH ALREADY , IM TIRED IM SO TIRED . Some things are already permanent , even if i trying to go back to how it was , it cant change the fact this is present and at single time there is misunderstanding.