I fought off my attraction for him for 7 years This journey started in high school. We flirted and banter and have shared interest. It was a typical high

5 years

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I fought off my attraction for him for 7 years

This journey started in high school. We flirted and banter and have shared interest. It was a typical high school extravaganza. I think he might’ve like me because he would most of the time mimic me and interact with me as he singles me out in a room full of people.
We shared moments. Heck we have been teased for having sparks too. But the signals are too mixed. And me, the girl who knew why I-should-be-treated-better knows how essential clear intentions are so I never expect on anything.

He is still on my mind. Maybe it was because we didn’t have any closure. Or maybe because it wasn’t exclusively acted upon. Believe me I’ve seen how imperfect he can be sometimes but the thought of still liking him says that I might be infatuated? Have I fallen in love? I don’t know.
What’s worst? He consistently watch my stories and his girlfriend were then suddenly copying my style and my vibe. Not once but a lot of times and I’m pretty sure it’s not a coincidence. I don’t know why this happened or what is happening on their side but this made me feel like I’m robbed off of my individuality and expression. And quite frankly, I hated to see them using me as some sort of standard to make their relationship work. I did not deserve this. It hurt me to see them so happy because his girlfriend keeps on copying my character. I felt like crying.

The moment that I knew I was ready for a relationship and was mature enough to sustain it, I learned that he already has someone he took interest upon. Amidst of that, he kind of initiated a contact with me, hinting that he wanted “love”. I didn’t bite on it. It took an incredible amount of self-control to not confess because I don’t want to possibly ruin his relationship with his girlfriend if ever, he was indeed attracted to me.
But I realize due to not having a proper closure, I will think of him for a long time – more so that my studies weren’t enough to distract me. I wanted to be really honest and just scream all that I felt.
I am trying my best to let go, I don’t want to intervene with them. She (the girlfriend) seems to be a sweet girl. I just don’t want her copying me. I could also sense that my crush’s feelings seems to waver which is not really a good sign.
Is there experiences similar to this? Should I confess? Hopefully I writing this would give me some sort of catharsis.
Please help?

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The human body is a machine which winds its own springs. It is the living image of perpetual motion.

The puppet master

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even when there’s so many people around me i feel so lonely. i feel like ive always been there for the little things in everyone elses’ life that i forget to be there for myself. ever since my first breakup 3 years ago i’ve always felt like there was an empty void to feel. not the kind of empty void that another person fills but the kind where im ok with my own presence. all my talking stages feel like i’m chasing someone just to make them love me. everyone says im pretty, kind, and caring but i don’t know what im missing that someone else has. maybe its the way i give talking stages my all and the way i show up even when they hurt me hoping that they’ll change. i want a love thats genuine and gentle with my broken heart. not because im desperate but because i want to feel loved the way i love others. im blessed to have a soft heart again and again even when it feels like it should be hard as stone.