I dont know what to do anymore about my relationship, things have gotten so bad I honestly pray for either him or me to die because I cant’t do this anymore. I grew up watching my mother in an abusive relationship and I always thought I was so much better than her and that could never happen to me yet here I am and I do not know what to do anymore. I have been completely isolated from everyone I dont have a job or enough money to leave and I cant leave my cats with this monster he has already hurt them and I do not want to think what he might do to them if I leave them here. I look back and there was always red flags from the start I just wish things were different I wish he was capable of empathy I wish I had someone to hug me and tell me it is okay everything will be okay but this has been the worst year of my life and I cant do this anymore. I have never felt worse about myself i have never felt so unloved and unwanted I thought my 20’s would be fun but instead i am isolated and sad. It is not like this guy is a catch he never was. He is fat which is fine except he tried to make me feel bad about my body like I need to look like the girls in p***. I am just an average person and yet this over 300 pound mother fucker gave me an eating disorder. Why should I feel guilty about eating or drinking anything thats not water? I am 122 pounds and that is normal and fine yet I dont feel like it is life should be more than obbsesing over my look and hating myself. This guy doesnt even know how to wash his a** cant shave his face and he cant grow a beard so he just looks gross yet he thinks he can critise me. He honestly thinks he can do better yet the only people he can cheat on me with are litteral child or girls begging for attention. A part of me wants to see him hurt and in jail and dead. There has been times I prayed for him to die and I am not even religious I had a thought about trying to posion him. And I mean a literal thought not in a joking way but in a way that i was serious I dont only want him out my life I want him out of life. A person like him doesnt deserve to be alive. I am so tired of this I do not see a way out and wish there was but I dont know what I am going to do