I want to kill myself so bad. I’m such a f****** failure. Everything I’ve tried in my life has ended in disaster. It would probably be funny if it wasn’t so sad. I’ve thought about a lot of different ways to kill myself. It seems like the best options are jumping from a bridge or overdosing on heroin. I fantasize a lot about flying across the country to the Golden Gate Bridge and jumping off. I don’t know anyone in that city and I’m very poor so spending money on a plane ticket would be a death sentence anyway. There’s something seriously wrong with me. I don’t think I’m a human. I think I’m some sort of monster who wears the flesh of a human. I feel like people look at me and they can tell that I’m not a real person. I’ve been on multiple depression medications for almost ten years now and nothing really helps. I’ve smoked weed every day for the past five years and it did help for a while but now my tolerance is so high theres no point to smoking anymore. I’m almost 30 and I’ve wasted my entire life. People who I went to high school with have careers and cars and live in cool places and are thinking of starting families. I have none of that. I went to college but work at a fast food restaurant because my depression is so bad I can’t keep an actual job. I’m a huge failure. I’ve been really thinking about the practicalities of suicide lately too. That’s why I want to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge, so I’ll be impossible to identify so my parents won’t have to see my body. They can just burn me up in a f****** oven and be done with me. I know a lot of people are scared of dying but I think about it constantly. I sleep a lot because of my mental health problems and I think dying is just like being asleep forever, what a f****** dream! I tried to look for a new job last night but I’m so useless I don’t think I’ll ever be able to work somewhere else. All I want is a car and to live somewhere where I could have a family and a dog. I really feel like I don’t want that much and I see so many people with what I want, but it feels impossible. I’m a loser baby, why don’t you kill me. Please kill me. I want to die. I don’t want to be alive someone come run me over with a truck and end my life. I have 5,000 in savings and I’ll give it to you I just want to be f****** dead. There are like four people who would be sad if I died it’s fine if I die. I’m in so much f****** pain all the time it’s like my heart is constantly weighed down by how s***** I am. I’m a such a loser. There’s nothing good about me and everyone can see it so I should just die.
