I'm so jealous of my next door flat neighbour. She's recently in what seems to me to be a loving relationship after years of being single. Since I moved

5 years

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I’m so jealous of my next door flat neighbour. She’s recently in what seems to me to be a loving relationship after years of being single. Since I moved in next door, she’d always been single with the occassional bloke popping in. I was very happy for her the first time I had them kissing goodbye one morning for such a long period. and eventually now I’m tired of hearing them talk till early in the morning hours as I battle insomnia and a bleak future when it comes to being in a relationship as I just seem to keep on attracting men who are just looking to use me for my empathy and generous spirit to boost their egos and as some of them move on to other women after wasting my time.
I really want to be in a relationship like hers where you just talk forever and just enjoy each other which I thought I was developing with the current a****** I’m into, but it turns out he’s just another f****** worthless p************ who used me to boost he’s ego. And now he’s gained so much confidence after I convinced him to do things he’d never do and he’s busy attracting lots of women as he said himself since he gained the convince on the back of my attention. I really do wish my neighbour the best though, I have never had any problems with her over the 10 years here and I hope it really works out for her, because after all this is just jealous because of my current situation and will eventually dissipate with better circumstances. But f*** that a****** who once again has wasted my time especially given my age, f*** him to hell and my he get what’s coming to him for all the heartbreak and pain i’ve had to go through because of him stringing me along, because he even admitted himself that he knew we had a thing but he didn’t think it was serious but still continues to come after me knowing that I want a serious relationship. It’s on me for falling for his b******* so let him try again. I’m so glad i put him in his place when I didn’t show up for a major celebration he was having, which he automatically thought I’d attend probably thinking i was too smitten to see through the b*******. F*** him and lesson learned for this time m***********! f*** around again and find out p************!!!!

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The loneliness the pain. the regret. the sadness. the depression. It doesn’t get better. worst year in a long time…with 3 months left I doubt I can right the ship.

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Ex wife refused her punishment. Let s** coach/coordinator know. He was very disappointed in me but told me to let things blow over and he will convince the other married men i kneel for to start coming around again as long as my ex wife stops coming over. Understandably they dont like the risk od her showing up unannounced wanting to see me on my knees again. But he said he and or his son would start visiting my mouth again soon as long as i agreed to changing locks on house and shed where i orally service them. I agreed and he and his son came over with new locks and we divided and conquered changing the locks (without any time on my knees). They told me they had talked and would find another woman to take the son’s virginity with women. They told me that they were telling me this for two reasons. So that my place if i was willing would be the safe space for the son to experience a woman. Father and son also agreed that that experience should be something that the son experience both me and the woman, and then the woman separately, so that the son could decide his own preferences. The father also said that he would like to use my place to put female candidates thru their paces to select the right woman for his son,’s first experiences with a woman. The father even said he was sorry for having to punish me so severely but he did it because i was responsible for bringing my ex wife into all this and putting all the neighborhood hisbands i kneel for at risk. He even said that while he did not see it being the same woman he eventually selects for his son, he was willing to find a female FWB for me to replace my ex wife and told me he understood how it all happened but that i would be happier in the long run without the insane toxicity of my ex being the outlet for my heterosexual side. I have not heard from ex wife since the attempt to convince her to take her punishment for her contribution to the issue and idk when i will hear from her next.