Life just really s**** right now. I’ve gotten so used to being alone I just become comfortable in it. I’d love to say that I’m happy but I genuinely don’t remember a time that I was. This whole pandemic thing just seems to make things worse. The worst part is that I just slowly see myself just fall and I’ve honestly just given up on my life and my future. My parents expect so much from me since I’m the oldest of my siblings. I used to be so full of life and enjoyed going out but now I just want to be alone in the dark. I can never truly tell anyone about how I feel because of the amount of backlash or hate I’d get for it. Everyone would just think I’m weak and that I can’t handle anything for myself. I’ve lost so many if not all my friends and it’s not because of what they did, but because of who I’ve become. I’m just drawn to an endless cycle of not being able to sleep or either not wanting to leave my bed for days. Recently is when I’ve been really thinking about ending my life. I just turned 19 this year and I hate that I’m feeling this way.
