5 years
x
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I know you’re sleeping upstairs and I could say this is person but you’ve never been on to let me talk when you’re upset. I think I wanted you to find the texts. It’s not that I don’t love you. I truly care about you but you were never going to stop cheating on me. I played the coward and let you end it so I wouldn’t feel so bad. The truth is I still feel sad for losing you but I feel a weird sense of relief because I don’t have be cheated on by you again. Not again. Not one more time. I’m finally free even if I’m not free from the feelings I’m free from you taking me back. I can actually try to find someone who loves me and is excited to be around me now rather than someone who’s by their own words, is stuck with me. Remember you said that on Christmas last year before I ever even knew you were unfaithful and before I’d been unfaithful. I only cheated because I have bpd and when you cheated I felt like I was gonna be alone forever. That I’m not worth love but I know that’s crazy and untrue. Im just so scared of rejection. I truly love you and I’m so sorry we failed but thank you for all the good memories we did make. By seeing myself in you it really helped me grow up. I don’t wanna be a fat a** who sits online all day. I won’t let myself be that. I hope you find happiness, I know you will because you’re happy with a ps4 and something to drink rather than human contact but for what it’s worth, I hope you find that mythical place you just shack up and not work or cook or clean and just play your video games and ogle girls on Instagram.

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Ex wife refused her punishment. Let s** coach/coordinator know. He was very disappointed in me but told me to let things blow over and he will convince the other married men i kneel for to start coming around again as long as my ex wife stops coming over. Understandably they dont like the risk od her showing up unannounced wanting to see me on my knees again. But he said he and or his son would start visiting my mouth again soon as long as i agreed to changing locks on house and shed where i orally service them. I agreed and he and his son came over with new locks and we divided and conquered changing the locks (without any time on my knees). They told me they had talked and would find another woman to take the son’s virginity with women. They told me that they were telling me this for two reasons. So that my place if i was willing would be the safe space for the son to experience a woman. Father and son also agreed that that experience should be something that the son experience both me and the woman, and then the woman separately, so that the son could decide his own preferences. The father also said that he would like to use my place to put female candidates thru their paces to select the right woman for his son,’s first experiences with a woman. The father even said he was sorry for having to punish me so severely but he did it because i was responsible for bringing my ex wife into all this and putting all the neighborhood hisbands i kneel for at risk. He even said that while he did not see it being the same woman he eventually selects for his son, he was willing to find a female FWB for me to replace my ex wife and told me he understood how it all happened but that i would be happier in the long run without the insane toxicity of my ex being the outlet for my heterosexual side. I have not heard from ex wife since the attempt to convince her to take her punishment for her contribution to the issue and idk when i will hear from her next.