My grandpa died recently and he was also diagnosed with some kind of dementia. I’m not sure if it’s Alzheimer’s, but regardless, I am scared of my future. (He didn’t die from it, he died from something else apparently, but nobody would tell me anything.)
Because this means I have a chance of developing dementia/Alzheimer’s myself.
And that absolutely terrifies me. I do creative things as a hobby and I basically revolve my life around it. The thought of not being able to do it anymore in the future because of me inevitably forgetting how to do it, or even forgetting the joy it brought me, it genuinely makes me afraid.
Which is funny because it seems I already forgot how it felt to genuinely enjoy something. I love art, I love drawing, I love writing, even if it’s just some poems and fanfics. But it all feels so pointless now. I’m so tired.
The dread that continues to linger in my chest. And the thoughts that linger in my head. I don’t know what to do.
I thought I was supposed to get better? Why aren’t I getting better?