I think I don’t deserve to live anymore. not because I’m a bad person, but I haven’t planned my life past 20? it’s weird being in college now when all I thought was surviving through another week or another month. I don’t know how to rely on people because I don’t want to burden them. I’m a bad friend because I have trust issues about if people even want to hang out with me. I’m constantly hounded by past memories and I never tell anyone about it. I feel like s*** because part of me blames my friends for not including me when it’s just me overthinking because of past experiences of people dumping me away because I’m no longer convenient. I hate how I’m like this. I hate every waking second of myself even when I have better days. i can’t even escape in my dreams because all I have are nightmares. and I want to believe things will get better because that’s what I tell my friends when they feel bad but I feel so. alone. I hate myself so much but I can’t even kill myself because if I fail I don’t even receive help for it because committing suicide is illegal. I hate the way I am right now. I just want to feel happy again without remorse. I just wish I didn’t have trust issues or trauma but here I am typing away my feelings on some anonymous confession site because I don’t have anyone to talk to. I’m such a f****** loser
