The pain I feel when I think about how much I love my husband, and how much it would tear me apart if I ever lost him, makes the affair I’ve struggled to get over feel like a rock I stubbed my toe on.
He is a wonderful man. He is the most selfless man I have ever met. He has always treated me better than anyone ever has in my life. He tells me I’m beautiful every day. I don’t deserve someone so wonderful. He deserves so much better than me. I love him so much, and want to die when I think of how awfully I treated him by being another man’s prostitute for free.
I can’t believe I did something so wrong and horrible. I’m a Christian, and having an affair isn’t something I ever would do. This man came into my life during a difficult time, and acted as a friend. It became adultery within a few conversations. I hate what I did. I hate what I became to him. I hate how I abandoned the one person in this world who loves me more than anyone ever has, or ever will. It truly makes me want to die.
This man’s wife became suspicious of us having an affair. I was blamed for all of it, of course. This man wouldn’t leave me alone. He pursued me, not the other way around.
He’s nearly 20 years older than me. He can also barely get an erection. No way was I using him for s**, but it was the other way around. I’m not sure why I was in this affair with him. I really don’t understand. There was nothing there, at all. He wasnt attractive, he was arrogant, impotent, gray haired, and overweight. I’m no model, but I could’ve done better, especially if I’d been looking for intimacy. My goodness, he was awful in bed.
I was totally deceived, and wish to God that I could go back in time and break my leg, instead of running into him like I did. I pray for God to restore my marriage everyday. My husband and I are working through this. The only reason I feel upset about this again, is because he triex to contact me several times, but I ignorex him. If he wouldn’t have did that, I’d have been over it by now. I keep reminding myself of how horribly he treated me. That usually rids him from my mind.
I’ll replace the negative garbage with him, with positive things with my husband. We are trying to move past this ridiculous mistake I caused.
God, please help me.