I’m so tired. I feel like I’ve been broken so long that I can’t even remember what “normal” was. I kept acting in ways to get people to smile. To laugh.

I’m 24 right now and… Well f*** I don’t know. My parents are dead now so there is that. My girlfriend left me so there is that. I quit my job due to injury and nobody realized I had gone, so there’s that. I’m a white guy so obviously everything is my fault. I can’t even begin to encourage myself to do things I am supposed to like. I tried messaging a gov funded depression charity and it refuses to f****** send.

Hell I can’t even move in my own home without being told what to think and never to feel because you know I’m a guy, guys don’t have feelings. Guys have it soooooo easy with all are privileged lives living in debt and constant fear of loosing everything because some random girl you brush shoulder’s with accused you of r*** so you will never get anything else and your social life is destroyed.

I’ve thought about taking my life so many times. Pills, knife, gun, rope, drowning. The only reason I’m still here is because if I go I’ll leave my little brother alone and I just can’t do that to him.

So what the f*** am I supposed to do? Where did all my dreams go? Where are all my options? And why is the only door I see the one I lock behind me. How can I look after my brother when I cant even look after myself.