I'm so fucking numb. I'm tired, numb, and hollow. I can't feel any sadness. I dealt with what I think could be depression (I have no idea bcs im 13 and my

5 years

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I’m so f****** numb. I’m tired, numb, and hollow. I can’t feel any sadness. I dealt with what I think could be depression (I have no idea bcs im 13 and my parents are blind and I dont want to tell them) for the last year and I used to sit in my bathroom, lock the door (it’s actually broken but it makes me feel better) and just cry and feel better but now im just hollow. I’m so numb to everything. I can’t feel any happiness and neither do I feel sad/depressed. I just feel so f****** hollow and I can’t do anything. The world has just become foreign now and I dont know how to do anything that I used to be able to do so well. I can’t find the pleasure or joy in anything anymore. I’m so tired and I just want to leave everything but I have nowhere to go because Im scared or death. I want to just f****** die but im so scared of death. Nothing fazes me anymore and I just don’t feel anything. I’m so hollow. I can’t do anything. I can’t remember anything. I can’t remember what happened two days ago. Nor yesterday. S***, I can’t even remember what happened two hours ago. I’m so f****** tired but im so scared. It’s so cold and yet I dont feel cold. I’m the “smart guy” in my class and everyone just takes me for granted. My “best friend” who I literally don’t want to talk to is so cold to me and just uses me as a dummy and throws all his complaints at me. I did nothing to him and he’s verbally attacking me, saying everything about how he has everything worse than me when I literally dont give a f***. Everyone who wants to be my friend just takes me for granted because there’s nothing else to want me for. I’m a b****** 13 year old boy who has anger issues and just wants to be left alone. I f****** hate ervything. I want to die. I don’t know if i need help. I only know that I don’t even want help. I just don’t want it because I don’t deserve it. I’m better off dead. I hate myself and I hate everything.

New Confession

i tried nitrous for the first time last week, on his birthday. it was kind of underwhelming. i think i already have a tolerance from past ketamine abuse since it acts on the same receptors

i am thinking of doing ketamine again. i do it every few months or so now. im tired of snorting lines though and ive been thinking a lot about injecting it again. IV is like a dream, but apparently its easy to “pass out” before you can take the needle out of your arm, so im worried about taking really high doses. IM takes a little more time, but it leaves you with muscle pain for a few days wherever you shoot it up.

ive had a plate of lines sitting in my room for like a month now. itd be easiest to do those, i just hate the long 12 hour comedown when i take enough for a k hole….

Related Confessions

I haven’t decided whether to record my exit strategy. This helium-based strategy isn’t particularly gory, so I think it’d be suitable for recording. If it can be of benefit to the medical research community then I feel like it’d be a good thing to do. During one of my “test” attempts, I found that I subconsciously ripped the bag off my head. I will need to remedy this by cuffing my hands to a sturdy frame, and then turning on the gas. You did this, Fiserv.