i hate how my demisexual leanings lead me down the path of discovering how much i adore and want to get to know someone and suddenly bam! inappropriate feelings happen but by then id know them enough that they are unavailable etc. i hate how he is such a good influence and help to me and i realise the feeling of mutual comfort 2 years down the road makes me realise i am actually attracted to him.

finding out he was married the whole time s****. ive not seen him in a while but i still cant shake off how he is the closest person i would want to be with as a partner. but i know he might just be that way because of the professional relationship between us and im idolising him. doesnt erase the feeling of being stupid for having this happen to me.

im going to try to move on but i cant resist the urge to stalk social media. the only silver lining here is seeing how happy helps me convince myself that it was best we stayed where we were and im just delusional. i dont want to hurt anybody and i end up hurting myself sigh. i feel disgusted with myself