To the black lady who was honest about racism:

Your story truly touched my heart and soul. I am a cops daughter. My father is a retired NYPD cop. During the 70’s (when he was a cop) he dealt with the worst of humanity. R*** and Murder and even dead children…thrown onto subway tracks. Killed.

He once had to tell a mother (a black woman) her child was dead. Killed on the subway tracks. (Age 6). The woman just laughed at my Dad. Laughed at him. I wish I could say that story had a happy ending. The best ending? Is my father, prays for that little girl, to this day. I know. A lot of atheists are alive and well. Most atheists? Never come face to face with a dead raped girl. They don’t have to knock on the door of that 19 year old girls fathers door. And then drive that dad to the morgue to ID his daughters body.

Yes, Racism is a alive in America. But so is prayer..and healing. Racism goes two ways. MANY black people, hate white people.

I recall walking thru walmart. 2 days before Christmas Day. In Pennsylvania ..I just was happy and feeling blessed. I guess i did the unthinkable. I SMILED at a black girl. That’s all i did. Smiled. She started yelling at me. Screaming more the word. I was shocked . Since that day, i avoid all eye contact and I avoid all black people. Because I’m scared of being attacked.

There is only ONE. Black lady…i happen to respect and like. she has always been kind to me. Sometimes I think….I’d like to invite her to my church. (But i don’t). I”m scared she would say no. Although there are other black people that come to my church. She wouldn’t be the only one. But we are in such a racial tension type of place in society I don’t want to do anything to upset my friendship with her.

Acting like a Gentleman or a Lady…isn’t a color issue. Being polite isn’t about color. Being kind isnt about color or religon. Its about being human. Something lacking in our entire world.

Trust me. I know plenty of WHITE guys….that are cruel. Plenty. they just hide it but are vicious in the shadows of life. My brother..(is a blonde). He used to be evil. He has changed as his children grew up. He grew a heart.

If a girl is just a little fat. There is NO ONE more cruel or vicious to her…than a white man. Not a black man, not even a black girl says anything. But put her in front of a white man? He is EXTREMELY hateful.

I should know. I have faced prejudices on that my entire life. But I also know, many white men are good. Not all are bad. (Just most are shallow). MOST black men? I have discovered have a heart. yes they can be violent. But don’t kid yourself. I was raped by WHITE men. Not a black man.

So I hope you know…not all white people….are “racist” ….some of us are just scared of black people. If they were kinder ….I’d invite them to my home. I just wish they were not soooo angry.

My dad? Was a VERY violent man. he has mellowed. But he carried his job….at home. I was the most defiant of the kids. YES…i took the brunt of his anger. yes he drank…to forget the murders and r**** and suicides he would be called to. He is still alive, by some miracle of God. …he stopped drinking and smoking. He is an old man now…but Kind to all people. Yes. Even the blacks that hate cops. My dad still is kind. I pray my dad has found forgiveness from god, and even from the perpetrators….that would threaten him..to kill his family. (Its why we had an unlisted number my entire life)

But i truly hope and pray you have found peace in your own life. You are educated. I envy you. You must be strong. To have survived the things you did as a child. I hope you have found a proud spirit in your own strength. Color is irrelevant. ….but your SPIRIT? Isn’t. Its…everything that makes you….YOU.