i don’t love my mom and sometimes i wish my parents were dead cos it would be much easier to do my life without them ( i also don’t really mean that but sometimes i have this thought) she was never really a mom to me, always so emotional and yelling, all that i got from them are these pains now and same repeating emotional patterns that i m fighting not to do with my partner, my closest one. i am 30 years old and i live abroad and i am the only child, i always felt like i am the parent to them and i would have rather had some healthy role models as parents that i could actually look up to. it’s like we re totally different people. i don’t know if i would like to have kids bcs i dont want my kids to one day write this kind of things on the internet saying they would be better off without me. i want a big family but all I have are two parents who act like kids and don’t know much about life, only in their realm. all of my relatives are so different as well, and i cant talk much with them about anything, so i m affraid one day i ll just end up all alone, without anyone, alone like always, it s****.