I am so tired of worrying about my weight. A necessary surgery is being held hostage until I hit a particular B(ullshit)MI based target. I'm eating less

6 years

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I am so tired of worrying about my weight. A necessary surgery is being held hostage until I hit a particular B(ullshit)MI based target. I’m eating less than 1K calories a day. I’m avoiding carbs and sugar. I’m walking at least 3 miles a week. I’m drinking 2liters of water a day.

Last Monday when I weighed, I was less than 10lbs from my goal. Yesterday I weighed and was 19lbs from my goal. I took laxatives, since I was constipated, and haven’t eaten since. I weighed myself today and am now 34lbs from my goal.

A friend of mine says not to obsess over a number, but it’s easy for him to say, since he’s already had the same surgery and no longer has to worry about it.

I’m seriously considering trying to make myself throw up after every meal and combining that with daily laxative use just to hit the target goal, even if I know it’ll do longterm damage to my health.

New Confession

The oven will be overflowing with creampies tonight. Always love when that’s on the dessert menu.

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