Why me. Just why me why do I have to hurt why did I ever do I always do so good to other people and I never did wrong. Even when I did my guilt is beyond me and I fix my mistakes thought I only do wrong when I’m hurt. It does not justify it but still I’m going to be controlling if u cheat on me bc I’m scared. That was the only wrong I ever did to a person amd I felt so bad for years when they were the one who hurt me and now I get cheated on and lied to and deceived. And I have nightmares that f*** up my entire day. My nightmares never stopped for months, continuously dreaming of being cheated on day by day by day. U make me insecure. I hate my asymmetrical a** face. I hate my height . I hate how young I look. And I especially hate my f****** nose. I used to be so full of love. For the first time in forever today in the car i put on music that made me feel something. Made me feel like I was missing something and it is the wanting of being loved correctly. The wanting to love someone. I don’t like the idea of love anymkre. And i know life isn’t a fairytale where love is perfect. But I used to think it was like that. And I miss thinking like that. I hate the fact that people had to prove me wrong. I always loved so much and now I love so little. I also hate myself. I look in the mirror and go into denial bc I hate myself. I want to j cry but I can’t. I wanna feel bad for myself but I can’t. I mostly j feel lost and hurt. That’s f****** all and I j need a break I want a restart. Oh the things I would f****** do to start over j to feel that desire for love. That desire to be with someone and be okay. Now I’m j in constant fear and I hate it. I wanna j disappear. I want to j get away. I want to j throw everything away and sit alone amd breathe. I’m tired. I can’t do anything abt it but deal w it and I get tired. Im going insane. I’m j tired.