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a pain
6 years
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I want to go to sleep and not wake up. Happiness is what i truly want, but feels so unobtainable. How could i love someone if i cannot love myself? Tears soak my pillow each night before i fall asleep. What is happiness and love? How do the two compare and how can you have one without the other? I often wonder if I’ll ever completely crawl out of this hole or if I’ll always have one foot in it; just waiting to drag me back in the hole i thought i got out of. I think i need to see a therapist.

New Confession

My wife knew i was a recovering s** addict when we dated, when we married, and knew that it stemmed from childhood maternal molestation many years ago. She knows i will not act out, that i love her too much to do that to her, and she knows to the degree any non s** addict can how exhausting the onslaught of compulsive intrusive s***** thoughts are. But she still rejects my sincere well motivated desire for surgical or chemical castration and i cannot understand why. We have a platonic relationship so it would be zero loss to either of us.

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Related Confessions

My wife knew i was a recovering s** addict when we dated, when we married, and knew that it stemmed from childhood maternal molestation many years ago. She knows i will not act out, that i love her too much to do that to her, and she knows to the degree any non s** addict can how exhausting the onslaught of compulsive intrusive s***** thoughts are. But she still rejects my sincere well motivated desire for surgical or chemical castration and i cannot understand why. We have a platonic relationship so it would be zero loss to either of us.

2 Views