I'm sad the way my life turned out. I'm stuck with a woman I don't really want to be with, stuck in a situation I don't want to be in and dying on the

6 years

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I’m sad the way my life turned out.
I’m stuck with a woman I don’t really want to be with, stuck in a situation I don’t want to be in and dying on the inside a little more every day.
I don’t like having s**. I try to avoid it at all costs. I wish I had the balls to put on a dress in my 20’s and just come out already. I would have killed in it too. I’m a small guy, ‘petite’ even. I’d look better in a LBD than most of you out there. Instead I was moulded by this fucked-up world and made into something I don’t want to be. I discovered the pure hidden joy of f****** my own a****** which I did (with an empty beer bottle!) a few years ago, which is SO much better than ‘f****** a p****’ (euchhh! Gross!) and the love of crossdressing which I still secretly do when I get the chance. ….Maybe I’ll get caught one day and this can all change….
*sigh

New Confession

The algorithmic echo series on Wattpad is amazing. It takes a couple of vampires heroes and werewolves into chaos. It even exposed DrippingQuills. I highly recommend it, it really good, but I heard the story series is not done yet.

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My wife knew i was a recovering s** addict when we dated, when we married, and knew that it stemmed from childhood maternal molestation many years ago. She knows i will not act out, that i love her too much to do that to her, and she knows to the degree any non s** addict can how exhausting the onslaught of compulsive intrusive s***** thoughts are. But she still rejects my sincere well motivated desire for surgical or chemical castration and i cannot understand why. We have a platonic relationship so it would be zero loss to either of us.