last year i was dating this guy and we would sometimes sneak out and hook up at this motel that is just old and always empty and had no employees at security at night so it was really scary. this one time he kept on telling to sneak out and that he was h**** and and whatever and i told him multiple times that im on my period and just dont wanna have s**. but he just kept on and i eventually snuck out. it all didnt feel good and my gut was telling its not a good idea. but i ignored it. usually the owners there knew who we were bcuz we go there frequently and we would give them a call and they would come and give us a key. but this time he said he is already in a room. which i didnt appreciate bcause i told him i didnt wanna have s**. so i go there and there are like multiple cars there and some motorcycles parked which was weird bcuz no one rarely goes to that motel . he tells me the number of the room . i go in there and there was like 15 guys. like legit 15 or more. i was scared obviously. i thought i trusted him. but it turned out i shouldn’t have. that night. the night i didnt wanna have s** with my own boyfriend. ended up with me thrown out on the street after being brutally raped by 15 or more guys. i am horrified. and scared. this has been my secret for more than 9 months and its been killing me on the inside. i cannot take this life anymore. no one would believe me. if they do they would just blame me for it. ive been using self harm as way to get pain out and punish myself. i am suicidal and i think i might be living my last moments. i just wanted to let this out. if not to my parents and friends maybe to anyone on the internet. atleast if i kill myself this whole thing wouldnt be slowly killing me on the inside anymore.
