i feel like im losing my firends and theyre all acting so they can hurt me eventually. like i imagine them leaving me with really bad people and letting them do horrible stuff to me. im too scared to move friend groups because its my senior year and i dont want to be alone because im already stressed about the college process. alsooo im becoming obsessed with fictional characters to the point where id rather be with them all day then real people. it hurts to know that they arent real because they wouldnt treat me like others have (even tho some of them are small things or stuff i cant control. speaking of the college process, i am very stressed and i feel like i am living for my parents instead of actually doing anything for myself. it makes me wonder if ill actually survive the college process or college itself, without donig something that i cant take back. but i also dont want to do that because i want to live a happy life. i want to be happy with someone. i want to love someone and have someone love me. but sometimes i realize that i dont love myself or feel like anyone will find my personality or looks attractive. so i feel kinda stuck.
