If I could see you again and talk to you I’d want to tell you so many things that I’ve hidden from you. We’re strangers and yet we still push each others buttons. I’d tell you that I missed you, I’d want to make up for lost time and just hang out, talk about our dreams and what we’ve accomplished. It’s almost time for me to have children and it’s so troublesome to think about. I don’t know what i’m doing. I don’t know if I am in love with my partner. I don’t know what my future holds. I feel .. empty and full. I feel there’s still so much more for me to do and yet time keeps moving forward. I feel trapped. Like a caged bird. Able to see everything and have everything given to me but I’m not able to do anything about it. I have no control of it’s direction. I want to live for me for once. I don’t want to always be just what others expect of me. How do I break free when everything looks so perfect to everyone else. I’d be crazy right? To chase my own happiness.. I could fail and become even more miserable.. Should I settle and live the rest of my life in comfort with invisible misery? I could just keep being strong, no one will have to know.. I wish I could be saved, but I may need to save myself.
