i cried on my bathroom floor for an hour. i tried to catch my breath i tried not to harm myself. ever since you didn’t wanna be in my life anymore i haven’t cared about self harm because i always tried my best to prevent it for you. i don’t care what happens to me. i haven’t cut. i know you’re not in my life but i did try today and do something instead of harming myself and all i wanted was for you to be proud of me. i had to text the crisis hotline. i couldn’t handle it and today i really didn’t want to be here. i really felt like i was gonna be gone by tomorrow and the first thing i thought was that i didn’t finish my letter to you. i just wanted to csll you but you don’t need me there like i needed you. you were always there for me the only one who understands me. i wasn’t okay and i haven’t been. pushed everyone away again when i started getting friends again. logged out of my social media’s, csnt eat like i do, cant sleep like i used to, i feel sick every second, and school doesn’t help. my days are getting harder without you here. i know you don’t think i care rjat you’re not worth it but i’ve been without you and i wlready can’t handle it. i wish you were here i wish you felt how i do because this everyday has opened my eyes when youre not here. even when you were in my life i missed u everyday. i’m textinf this guy rjght now on the crisis hotline and he’s sending me ways to resources to try and help me. first day of school was terrible it makes me feel like s***. i always wanna hear how your day went. i have to be up tomorrow 7:40 for first period. it stresses me. i haven’t talked to me dsd in about a week because we fought. i threw s*** at him and called him an idiot over and oevr because he started talking about my mental health like it was nothing. i told people i’d be leaving for a while and nobody cared. i just don’t see much purpose but it’s whatever. i’m just here. i cant remember the last time i was happt for a day. happt for a week and that hurts me. i sit there and cry because i can’t remember. i simply only remember pain. all these years have taken a toll on me and you’re the only one who knows. i’m sorry. i don’t wanna keep going. i always tried in hopes we’d be together again i always looked forward too i can’t go because i’m gonna have a future with u, and one day i’ll be happy with myself, i’ll have real friends bur it’s all gone. i don’t wanna do this anymore. i’m just sorry