Dear *****,
why is it you trust them more than me? You never seem to talk to me about things.
We’re apparently best friends, hell many people think we’re dating, yet you never told me you had a mental breakdown because of that damn post.
You never told me you have these thoughts.
You never told me you were in love with her.
How come? How come I would trust you with my life but you don’t trust me enough to talk to me about your problems? Really, if you hate me just say it. Please.
I already know you probably do, but just give me confirmation. Don’t leave me hanging like this.

You’ve done so much for me and I wanna give it back and make you happy but I can’t do that if you hide all of this from me.
I know they’re hundreds of thousands of times better at making you feel better about whatever you’re struggling with, but please, just talk to me.

I’m starting to think getting emotionally attached to pretty much anyone is a terrible idea. You are one of the only people I don’t feel incredibly anxious around, and so I’ve allowed myself to be this attached to you, but I’m starting to think I’ve made the wrong choice.

I’m not mad about it, I’m not angry angry at you in any way. It might seem like it, but I’m not. I might seem envious of the woman you’re in love with but really I’m not.
I’m envious of the fact you trust her. I’m envious of the fact you would tell her exactly what’s bothering you and why but you wouldn’t even tell me you’re having a bad day.

I’m sorry. I know I failed you. I expect you’re dissapointed I don’t talk to you as much ever since she came back.
I put her as a priority because I know I might lose her again at any time, I thought “Hey, he understands, it’s gonna be fine.” but I was wrong.
As much as I love her,
I shouldn’t have put her first.
I should’ve talked to you just as much.
I should’ve been a better friend.
You both mean the world to me and you’re pretty much the only reason I’m still alive.

You’re still here, you’re still alive, you’re still a twenty minute walk from me, but I feel we’re growing apart. I don’t want that.
Your friendship is genuinely one of the most valuable things in my life and I don’t think I could be okay without it.
I know I’m greedy for wanting you as my friend this badly but you’re the person who helped me start to figure out and accept my identity. You’re the person who introduced me to things I’d probably never discover otherwise. You’re the person who helped me make so many new friends.
I don’t want all those memories we made in such a short time to be a thing left in the past, I really don’t.

Obviously, you’re not required to be my friend, you’re not required to talk to me. And if you don’t want to of course you don’t have to. That’s completely understandable.
But just tell me you don’t and I’ll get over it eventually.

Sincerely,
– me.