I’m severely depressed and can’t afford treatment. I’m scared to talk about it to anyone because I’ve been put into a mental hospital for suicidal ideations before. I’m pregnant and I feel like that is the main thing keeping me from going out and buying a bunch of chemicals. That and being too broke to buy them and out of gas. I keep telling myself to just wait until the baby is born and then I can do it. I’m so tired of fighting this. I wish some cosmic being would come down and pat me on the back and tell me I’ve done enough. It hurts so bad. If I had known I would be suffering this bad as an adult I think I would have killed myself as a child, I couldn’t have even comprehended this level of useless pain when I was a kid. I’m so tired.